You never know

Have you ever thought of a past that hurts? It hurts because it makes you hate yourself. That was you in the past. That's why they say, time heals.

Now it's time for the present, the future. I love the future. Because it brings anything. Anything. Any possibility. Many possibilities. This. That.

You never know.

Such mysteries that we all love.

Swift Open 5000m 09

The line- up wasn't really much of a star- studded lot. But the main star was there, and he was on sub- 16 form. How many of us have gone below 16? How many below 17?

So the gun goes and like a flock dispersing, the runners make their way to 12 and a half. Mok sprinted front, a tactic unusual of him. I trailed closely behind and wanted to keep to my targetted splits.

First 200: 37 seconds- too fast. I felt it was quite usual except the heat and I was actually braving a slight flu.

A few laps turned and I was starting to feel the pressure. It was just too hot and my mental picture of the torture I was braving on the rubber track sort of called the game over. I probably couldn't do anything left to break the so- called 'barrier'. Dave and Sharon and Christian comprised the panel of moral support for us with their never- ending cheers and motivation but I still could not find a faster gear.

The third runner at that time was keeping his toes close to my heels like waiting to take on me at the right time. He got the right time and cut me with 3 laps to go. I couldn't summon the response. My body felt very weak. My mind was weaker. I was over and done and I even contemplated on dropping out.

But I felt not so much of a need to drop out with a couple of laps to go.

And I reached the finish with 45 seconds off my previous.

If it was the heat then we have to train for the heat. If it was the flu then adequate rest is needed. If it's the mental component then probably we gotta work on the mind aspect.

Devastated

Is it the end? Is it over?

It is if you say it so.

So he rode on me for first six. And, after all the work I have done, he slayed me for the next half. In a way, I was used.

But if my core speed was certain, if it was solid, if it was great, if it was stinging, this would not have been possible. It would not have been possible for him.

I have a theoretical advantage. I have experience. But that day I failed in the mental part. Perhaps I was not physically 100% ready too with a running nose.

I am only human. As he widens the gap, so is my opportunity to improve.

Amazed

It has come this far. Undoubtedly amazing. To know how much stress you've placed upon your own body and it responded in this way. There is a very long list of amazing facts about the human body that I always take for granted. But I am amazed by every single fact in it. I am thankful for every single fact. This is a gift.

I have an issue on the coming Saturday. At this stage, it has come to about breaking a barrier. I cannot imagine the ecstasy, the fever and the pride if I break it.

For as long as I have been in the sport, it is really a lot about patience and dedication. But now I have discovered the passion. It is really wonderful when I learn new things everyday. I have tried and tested many mental strategies. I have seen many kinds of training. I know of many attitudes.

So what has brought me this far? I believe that health is an investment. And I am still calculating it's equivalent in dollars and cents.